Anger Management

[Mike54]

Anger Management
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone -- don't take it out on someone you know...take it out
on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to
make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered saying,
"Hello?" I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with
Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't
believe anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. (I had transposed the
last two digits of her phone number). After hanging up with her, I decided
to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I
yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down, with the
word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd
call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith
from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with
the caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I
quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
So, one day I went to the grocery store, getting ready to pull into a parking
spot. Some kid in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot
I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting
for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car
window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number
on speed dial), I thought I better call the BMW asshole, too. I dialed and
someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for
sale?" "Yes it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802
West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."
"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after
five." "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up and added his number to my speed
dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several
months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up
with an idea: I called Asshole #1. "Hello" "You're an asshole!" (but I didn't
hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed
"What are you going to do about it, asshole?" I said.
Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black
Beemer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."
Then I called asshole # 2:
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello Asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying I lived at 1802
West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then
I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th
Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St. There, I saw two
assholes beating the shit out of each other...in front of six squad cars, a
police helicopter, and a TV news crew.
Ahhhhhh, now I feel lots better....